Monday, February 8, 2010

Sometimes You're Just Not Feeling It

I’ve noticed a marked decrease in my interest in finishing Rain lately, and I think there are several reasons for this.

First of all, this semester’s course load is way harder and more time-intensive than last semester’s. I’m taking two science courses with labs, a three-hour once a week military history course and I’ve ramped up my mathematics difficulty as well. I’ve got more work to do this semester than I could have dreamed of last semester, and it’s hard for me to even keep up.

I’ve taken positions on two websites over the last month or so. I’m now a book reviewer for Horror News and chief reviewer and interviewer for Dark Markets. I’ve got authors crawling out of the woodwork asking me to review their novels and short story collections, and while free books are always amazing (and always appreciated), that’s more reading on top of the pile of school work that needs to be done.

I finally found a job, as well. I’m working part time to support myself while in school, and I’ve asked for as many hours as humanly possible because the wage is lower than I was receiving while I was working full time. I’ve got tons of bills that need paid and creditors aren’t going to give me any slack just because I’ve gone back to school. The job’s great, my coworkers seem pretty ace so far and I think it will be as stress-free as any job possibly can be, but there’s time right there that won’t be utilized for writing.

Finally, I’ve had some personal issues over the last few days that have left me rather shell-shocked and unable to concentrate on much. This blog was never meant to focus on anything other than Rain, but for the sake of transparency (and to keep drama down by actually, you know, discussing it instead of just making sly and sympathy-whoring insinuations) I’ll touch on it briefly. My parents, who have been married for thirty-six years, are divorcing. This was never something that I even thought possible, and over the weekend I’ve been forced to tackle the issue head on. It’s been a draining few days, and with everything else going on I haven’t had much time to brainstorm or plan out any new chapters. In fact, Friday and Monday’s updates were incredibly hard for me to even write. I feel like my brain is racing way ahead of me and stalling out at the same time. I haven’t gotten much school work done either and over the next day or two I’m going to have to do some much-needed catching up or I’m going to fall behind and have a hard time with the rest of the semester.

There are times when my faith in Rain wavers a bit. Every writer has the same problem. We’re so close to our own work that we can’t see it for what it is. Some of us think our stories are perfect as is and need no polishing; some of us think they’re utter tripe and should be burned in the fire pit out back as soon as possible. I’ve always been one of the latter. No matter who likes it or what kind of attention it’s received, I always think my work is garbage. Lately, this feeling has been coming on strong.

I like Rain. I like writing it. Sometimes, though, I just don’t see the point in it. There are days when I’m convinced nobody else likes it, no one would ever want to read it and the story is just nonsense. Despite that, I’m soldiering on. I’ve got four thousand words left until it meets Textnovel’s minimum word count criteria, and by god it’s going to get there. Hopefully, within the next few updates, I’ll find my spark of creativity again and start churning out new chapters with the zeal I had before.

This baby’s not dead. It’s just hibernating, and when it wakes up you’d better watch out. It’ll be hungry.


design by